Abrasive

So home has been fun so far. Christmas break is certainly going by a lot faster than it was last year, although I think I finished my finals in the first week last time. My family is awesome to hang out with, even though they occasionally get on my nerves. Now that we're all older, I just chalk it up to differences in personality. I mean...for instance, if I wasn't related to my older sister I think we'd be even better friends. The fact that we're related gives us a chance to vent at each other once in awhile which can cause disagreements.

I've been pretty decent lately.

I know I don't write in here too often, but it's not because of a lack of interest. I find writing very cathartic, but at the same time it's very difficult to start a post. Lots of times I'll have a complex idea I've been thinking about and mulling over, but I have no way of putting it into words - and in the process end up writing nothing.

I've been thinking a bit lately about what age means to me. People always say that your teenage years are your formative years, generally in the 13-17 range, but I think a lot of that is bull. I mean, you certainly start to discover things about yourself at that age, but no one I know who is my age has everything figured out. When I was younger I always thought that 19-20 year old people were supposed to already be adults, but that seems to be far from the truth.

I know I still have a lot to learn about myself, and the problem is that I'm not sure I'll be able to do it where I am right now. I'm not really sure that Case is the right place for me. In some ways we're a great fit: academically, in some ways socially... I have a lot of similar interests that the general student body has...

But then I'm also sick of a bunch of things. I'm sick of people passing judgment on me, both academically and socially. No, I haven't yet been published in a damn scientific magazine, but I am in a really cool research group that lets me head my own projects with assistance. And despite so many peoples' "apparent concern" for my academic life I managed to earn 5 A marks and 1 B mark, grades that I'm very happy with. One thing that pisses me off is when people ask about how my homework is going, no one generally asks out of real concern, it's out of jealousy (often because I appear to be finished). Not that anyone actually needs to ask me how my homework is going, I'd be perfectly happy never talking to my friends about school. I was already sick of competing academically in grade school, and just because you think you're hot stuff doesn't mean I want to talk to you about how great you did on all your tests. But once in a while I'll play the game if asked how I did on something. Additionally, I'm sick of all the hate anyone but pre-med students and engineers receive. It's absolutely ridiculous. People are allowed to study whatever they want and they don't need your two cents worth of input.
People here tend to be competitive, cutthroat - and all too often my general easygoing nature is confused with naivete, lazyness, or stupidity. Additionally, just because I don't constantly reference my personal skills doesn't mean I lack them.
Socially, a lot of the student body seems to be scared of new things. People rarely want to go out on weekends, meet new people, etc.
A lot of these traits I'm naming aren't necessarily bad - they tend to create very small and tightly-knit groups. But I personally don't think that's really what I want. Now is the time to meet new people, not the time to stagnate. But that's just my worthless two cents.

In addition, this isn't directed towards anyone in particular, it's mostly just a spiteful and inconsistent rant. In regards to any boasting that went on, it' s lashing out at feeling intellectually devalued for a year and a half and I apologize for nothing that I wrote.

I've occasionally been told, especially by my mom, that I can be abrasively straightforward. She never says it in a mean way, and I know that in some ways she's right. But for me personally, it happens to be the best way to deal with many situations.